How to be a bastard

Example 1 - today's text message conversation

Romanian: Happy Thanksgiving!
Drew: Thanksgiving is a North American holiday.
Romanian: God u're so dry. frankly I couldn't care less about thanksgiving, but as u r north american u were on my messaging list 4 this holiday. no worries.

What I almost texted in response: Please don't belittle my holidays by pretending to appreciate them.

I really dislike this Romanian, but he's the Maltese's best friend. You can't go around pissing off people when you want to sleep with their friends. [Socialite rule number 69]

Example 2 - Christmas Vacation

I am planning to stay with a former cuddle buddy from Minnesota when I return, rather than spend 24 hours straight with my family. As a former cuddle buddy, he's interested in me sexually. We've chatted extensively on the matter.

Meeting the Maltese has thrown a wrench into the works. I have yet to decide how to deal with this--whether I should ask the Maltese if we are exclusive, or if I should tell Minnesota boy the whole situation and possibly screw up my chances of a free place away from my mom. Not to say he's trading his room for sex, but I think he's really hoping for it.

Sexual opportunities from more than one person. Who knew I'd even be that popular?

Beijing Whores

Gray Nights

Then nights arrive faster, and the cold is mounting quickly. I need to find a hobby soon, or I am likely to be sleeping 10 hours a night.

Blah.

I'm starving

TB is back! Plus, he's planning to stay for another six months. As a result, we have decided to pool our incomes and rent out a Barbie Dream House somewhere in Beijing. I have my heart stuck on four rooms minimum.

This, along with an entire weekend spent with the Maltese, has made Drew a happy boy. Although, I think he is too sweet to handle my heartless core. We shall see.

In other news, because I cannot healthily switch to caloric restriction with the food in Beijing, I've decided to test out fasting! I'm not quite sure I can handle it, though. Today I am trying a half-fast. I ate breakfast--a peanut butter sandwich--and then had a half-orange snack at noon. It is now 2pm and I want to eat my coworkers. If I can make it without dinner tonight, I will institute a bimonthly fasting routine.

I'm such a freak.

Italy to Malta

Italy was a bust. On Thursday the Italian and I left both knowing that the other was interesting, but that there was no possibility of ever dating. That was disappointing, but when I walked home I was satisfied I found a person I don't absolutely despise.

Things started looking up when I went out again Friday night. Things started out with pre-drinking with Liu Lei, then met up with the Dutch at Nanjie. Finally, we went out dancing at Alfa to my favorite 80s music.

Strangely enough, I met someone--RP--I had spoken with online a few months earlier. We had mediocre conversations, so I imagined we wouldn't get along. However, I did my best to flirt, and it worked. We went out again Saturday, hitting up a salsa club and Destination, where we made out on the dance floor. Hot. The next morning he left for a lunch dinner, and we met up for dinner before he went back to his town in Langfang.

I mistook him for Italian, but apparently RP is Maltese. I wonder if the dog originated from that area. Either way, he seems nice. One of my other great relationships--with MM--began with bar dancing and broken chatting. Maybe this will turn out the same.

Overall a good weekend.

Next weekend, champagne brunch... and sex?

I've got a date!

After I get off work and hit the gym I am meeting a cute shortish Italian boy for dinner and drinks. I think he's cute enough, and the best part is his English is terrible, so we will be communicating in Chinese. Hopefully we enjoy chatting with each other on a middle-school level. I'm not sure if this counts as a real date, but I sure hope so. I'm absolutely starved for attention and physical comfort.

So much so that I have been trying to sway former cuddle-buddy (and twice fuck buddy) into being interested in me. Not that I'm doing anything special--just trying to hang out a bit. As a result I become absolutely disgruntled because his idea of hanging out a lot is saying hi once a week. That's not going to get me anywhere or anything!

I've got a lot riding on this. I'm even going to go pre-drinking at TB's because he is gone and my place is small, dirty, and not so attractive. Besides, he'd be happy if his place got some action while he was away.

Yes...

Hong Kong was not as drunk as I imagined it. The day after Halloween I suffered from symptoms of food poisoning, preventing me from eating the entire day. When I arrived in HK my stomach had shrunk so much I would feel nauseatingly full after two bites of pasta.

But I kept trucking! I managed to do a few things while in HK...

Robin and I drank the entire weekend, but the first night my stomach was too small to handle all the alcohol I needed to get drunk. The best period was when we spent an hour trying to find the ideal bar Sunday night around 2am. We would walk into a bar and order drinks. Then we would look around and notice that everyone in the bar appeared to want to mug us, so we left before they gave us our drinks.

Robin and I tried absinthe for the first time. Beyond the rather pleasant taste, after I drank it my throat immediately closed up. No hallucinations, but it hit us both hard after a half an hour.

I bought my single most expensive piece of clothing--a D&G jacket from one or two seasons past. Now I just need to show it off a bit, so I need to buy more outfits that will look cute in it.

I orchestrated a date with a cutesy Italian boy for when I return to Beijing. His English isn't so great, so we communicate in Mandarin. If he's at all interested in me I'm going to jump him so fast all he will see is a bright red flash.

Just a few minutes ago inside the airport I bought a full facial care set from Kiehl's. I've heard good things, so they best be worth it.

In forty minutes I am heading back to Beijing... and hopefully figuring out how to recover from my wreckless Hong Kong spending spree.

Shanghai to Beijing

There's something on the wing!

I have never been more frightened in my life. There was turbulence throughout the entire flight coming home from Shanghai, and the especially horrifying portions take-off and landing--to optimize the sense of doom. During the more severe points I honestly expected there would be a fatal malfunction, sending us spiraling to our deaths.

I also considered calling the stewardess to come hold my hand...

Death seemed imminent, but my life didn't flash before my eyes--I didn't regret not doing something or wish I could have done more. I was just frozen with terror. My hands gripped the arm rests with all my strength with the hope that it would help stabilize the plane. I tried to focus on other things, but during the worst parts they turned off the in-flight movie. All I was left with was staring at the seat in front of me.

But, I survived. As I walked away I had the desire to find a boy just to hold my hand for a while, and I was a little sad that I still haven't found a cuddle buddy.

I met up with TB as soon as I put my things away in my apartment. We had a drink and I tried to forget about the trip to Shanghai.



How I remember Shanghai: